


Love Me Lights Out

by longleggedgit



Category: Free!
Genre: First Time, M/M, Reigisa Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 15:17:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1823092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longleggedgit/pseuds/longleggedgit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagisa and Rei have been planning for their first night alone together for a while. Rei is more than a little anxious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Me Lights Out

**Author's Note:**

> I basically just wanted to make my first smut fic for this pairing extraordinarily shmoopy as usual but also a little fumbly and very consent-conscious. Thank you so very much to F and Traci for the invaluable betaing help, and thanks to Eszter for the ego-stroking! ♥_____♥
> 
> /casually titles all my fics after the same Beyoncé song

"Hi," Nagisa says when he throws open the door, no more than four seconds after Rei's first knock. He's wearing a grin that makes Rei's palms feel sweaty.

"Hi," Rei replies, gripping the straps of his backpack tight. He can only meet Nagisa's eyes for a moment before he has to look away.

"Come in!" Nagisa takes his elbow and pulls, and Rei barely has time to kick off his shoes before he's stumbling into the entryway, then the kitchen, then up to Nagisa's bedroom.

"Everybody just left," Nagisa says. His entire family is going out of town to visit his grandparents, but Nagisa convinced them to let him stay home alone, supposedly for a swimming obligation. He and Rei have been planning tonight for over a month.

"Ah." Rei lowers his backpack to the floor, stiff and awkward. Nagisa steps forward and presses right up against his chest, arms looping around his neck.

"Are you excited?" Nagisa breathes against his mouth before kissing him.

"Yes," Rei says, shakily, when Nagisa gives him space to answer. It's not entirely a lie, but currently "terrified" would be a more appropriate adjective.

"My dad made curry!" Nagisa transitions just like that, stepping back and taking Rei's hand, pulling him along again.

He only releases Rei's hand when they reach the kitchen. There's a simmering pot of curry on the stove, and Nagisa lifts the lid to poke at it with a spoon. "Do you want to watch a movie while we eat?" 

Rei feels like his reactions are groggy and delayed tonight, but he manages to nod and voice his agreement, "Sure," before too much time passes.

"Maybe something romantic," Nagisa says with a sly smile. Rei swallows, probably visibly, but Nagisa turns to dish out the curry and rice into two bowls and doesn't notice. He hands Rei a bowl and leads the way into the living room, and Rei follows; he always follows.

They settle on _Titanic_ —or, rather, Nagisa settles on it and Rei nods in acquiescence—and tuck in on the couch side-by-side, balancing their bowls in their laps even though Rei knows Nagisa's parents don't allow food on the sofa. It's normal enough for a Friday night that Rei feels himself start to relax incrementally, soothed by Nagisa's warmth against his side and the hum of the movie, which he hasn't done a very good job of following but at least makes for nice background noise. 

After his third helping of dinner, Nagisa finally decides he's had enough and abandons his bowl to snuggle in close under Rei's arm. Rei sets his bowl down too and starts to stroke Nagisa's hair, and it's familiar, easy; he could almost fall asleep.

Then Nagisa turns his head and presses his mouth to Rei's neck, and with a sharp jolt, Rei remembers exactly what he came here to do tonight.

"Do you wanna go upstairs?" Nagisa says against Rei's skin, kissing his jaw and under his ear, snaking an arm around his waist. His fingers toy with the hem of Rei's shirt and Rei's entire lower half feels like it gets an electric shock.

Rei glances at the clock. It's 8:02 p.m. The movie is less than half-finished. "Okay," he says, hoping the tremor in his voice isn't as noticeable as it seems to him.

They leave the movie on pause and don't pick up the dishes. Rei finds himself glancing at the mess over his shoulder, but he knows it would only buy him a few minutes at most even if he were to insist they clean first. He focuses on walking instead, one foot in front of the other, all the way up the stairs until he's standing half a meter away from Nagisa's bed. Nagisa closes the door behind them and turns off the light. It's light enough outside that Rei can still see, but dark enough that everything is somewhat muddled.

"I didn't know what to get exactly," Nagisa says, breezing past Rei toward the bedside table and crouching to pull open the drawer, "so I just got a bunch of stuff." He tosses a box of condoms on the bed, followed by a purple tube of something called "Astroglide" and a smaller, clear bottle of something Rei can't immediately identify.

Nagisa looks up through his bangs and asks, as if he implicitly trusts Rei to know the answer, "Do you think that's all we need?"

"I imagine so," Rei says, amazed he can even speak when his mouth is this dry. 

Nagisa beams, like he's just received a hard-earned compliment, and jumps up to take a seat on the edge of the mattress. He pats the spot beside him.

"C'mere."

Rei does, although when he sits down the mattress bounces too much. Nagisa doesn't seem to mind, however; Rei has no sooner sat down than Nagisa's hand is on his thigh, his mouth hovering close to Rei's face.

"Kiss me," Nagisa says.

Rei kisses him. He pushes Nagisa's hair away from his face, touches his cheek and kisses him hard, and it's good because it's easy. They've done this a thousand times before, so Rei knows what Nagisa likes. Nagisa knows what he likes, too, although truthfully Rei isn't convinced there's a wrong way Nagisa could kiss him. His hands start to tremble but Rei ignores them, resting them on Nagisa's shoulders, kissing him until Nagisa makes a gentle noise under his mouth and he has to back off. Nagisa regards him curiously.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," Rei says, maybe too fast. He covers for it by surging forward to kiss Nagisa hard again, and Nagisa must be convinced, because he kisses with equal fervor, only breaking away at length to pull his shirt over his head. His hair gets mussed in the process, which is a beautiful enough sight that, for a second, Rei almost forgets he's so scared he's nauseated.

"Rei-chan," Nagisa says, shifting forward. He crawls into Rei's lap and takes his glasses off—gently, which is something they've had to talk about—setting them on the bedside table before kissing him again. Rei tilts his head back to let Nagisa deepen the kiss, and Nagisa does, drawing their bodies closer together. For a moment, Rei is distracted by the feel of Nagisa's bare skin under his hands, and he explores it a little, tracing lines across the small of his back. But then Nagisa's thigh works its way in between Rei's legs and starts to grind, and Rei can only bear it for one heartbeat before he gasps and jolts, turning away from Nagisa's mouth. 

"Rei-chan?" Nagisa's thigh retreats. 

Rei avoids his gaze. "Sorry," he says. He tries to catch Nagisa's mouth again, eyes still turned away, but Nagisa evades him.

"What's wrong?" Nagisa asks.

"Nothing."

"You're shaking."

There are a thousand potential believable explanations for that, and Rei opens his mouth to produce one—low blood sugar maybe, or a sudden cold—but even as he does so, Nagisa crawls off his lap. The temperature in the room drops ten degrees. Rei wants to protest but he finds he can only sit, face burning, and stare down at the dark silhouette of his feet silently willing his erection to go away. He wonders if Nagisa will break up with him right away or if he'll wait a few days to do it. He wonders which would be worse.

"Rei-chan." Nagisa brushes Rei's hair away from his face now, and it startles him, but he finds himself leaning into the touch, wistfully. "You don't want to, huh?"

"I'm so sorry," Rei says in a rush of breath. 

Nagisa laughs a little, probably out of force of habit rather than actual amusement. "It's okay," he says. 

It's not, but Rei closes his eyes and tries to will himself to believe it. "I just," he starts, faltering as he searches for an explanation. "I have no idea what I'm doing," he says eventually.

This time, when Nagisa laughs, it does sound a little amused, although not cruelly so. "But, Rei-chan," he says, "neither do I."

"I know, but you're—" The word _perfect_ won't quite come out, so instead Rei decides on, "—different," and that probably does the trick.

"Mm," Nagisa says neutrally. "I think I'm just not as hard on myself as you."

Nagisa drops his hand then, but instead of standing up and walking away, he also drops his head to rest on Rei's shoulder and twines their fingers together. 

It gives Rei a little courage, anyway. He clutches at Nagisa's hand and murmurs, "I do want to, just. . . ."

He doesn't know how to verbalize any of this, and it's immeasurably frustrating, since he's not used to words failing him quite so spectacularly. Which means, of course, that when he finally opens his mouth, everything in his brain tumbles out in an incoherent stream of consciousness. 

"I've read about it and I've tried to work it all out, but it's not—it's not something you can just study for, and I don't have any instincts at all but I don't have any practice either so I know I'll ruin it. It's like swimming, I kept studying and trying but nothing I did made any difference—"

Nagisa interrupts him, lifting his head and favoring Rei with a genuinely perplexed look. "But, Rei-chan," Nagisa says. "You went from not being able to swim at all to doing a perfect butterfly in a week. That's kind of amazing."

Rei furrows his brow and opens his mouth to retort, but once again words fail him. Still, the atmosphere in the room suddenly feels a little less oppressive and his hands a little more steady; it's like being woken up from a bad dream. Nagisa kisses him on the cheek, and Rei relaxes even more.

"Anyway," Nagisa says, "you should stop feeling bad. I can wait as long as you want." He lets go of Rei's hand and bends to pick his shirt up off the floor.

Rei stares at Nagisa's bare, curved back, disbelieving. "That's all?" he says. "Really?"

"What did you expect?" Nagisa glances up from turning his shirt right side out again and lifts an eyebrow. "That I'd be mad?"

It does seem a little ridiculous now, facing Nagisa, who's moody and easy to rile but so slow to real anger it's occasionally worrisome.

"Thank you," Rei says again.

"Stupid Rei-chan," Nagisa says, gently, with a smile. His expression shifts quite abruptly to something more impish, and he asks, "Do you wanna make out instead?"

" _Yes_ ," Rei says, releasing a breathy laugh. Nagisa grins, and before he can pull his shirt back on, Rei catches his wrist. "It's fine," he assures him, so Nagisa tosses it back to the floor, still grinning, and falls back against his pillows, kicking away the condoms and lube, tugging Rei down on top of him. 

"Kiss me," Nagisa says, and Rei is happy to, but first he has to press their foreheads together, just for a few breaths, just because he's so glad it's a little dizzying.

 

Rei wakes up briefly disoriented, blinking around at his surroundings, although they would be blurry even if they weren't dark. Nagisa is curled with his back pressed close to Rei's chest. At first, Rei can't figure out why he's awake. Then he shifts slightly and realizes he has a hard-on that's digging directly into Nagisa's hip.

Rei shifts again, heart pounding, trying to move away because he feels immediately guilty, but Nagisa's bed is small and Nagisa, even in sleep, is persistent; as soon as Rei moves he moves with him, letting out a small, drowsy noise of protest.

Faced with either staying where he is or falling off the side of the bed, Rei goes still. "Nagisa," he says quietly, still guilty. Nagisa doesn't stir, so he puts a hand on Nagisa's shoulder and gives him a gentle shake. "Nagisa."

Nagisa groans and actually manages to press himself even more inconveniently against Rei's erection.

He really is about to fall off the bed now, so, getting desperate, Rei tries another method. He nuzzles in close to Nagisa's ear and says his name again, a little louder, before kissing his neck.

Immediately, Nagisa stirs. Rei kisses his neck again, and Nagisa turns so he's flat on his back, opening his eyes to blink at Rei in obvious confusion.

"Rei-chan?" he says. He lifts a slow hand to touch Rei's face. 

"Can you move a little?" Rei asks. "I'm about to fall off."

Nagisa scoots to his left and Rei follows, but they're still close, bodies flush together, and Nagisa's movements are more awake now.

"Rei-chan," he says again, shifting his hip just enough to indicate that he's noticed Rei's erection. 

"Sorry," Rei says. He can feel his face heating but he can't look away from Nagisa's eyes.

"It's okay," Nagisa says. Then, hesitantly, "Do you want to go back to sleep?"

Rei considers this. "Not really," he says, almost surprising himself. 

Nagisa exhales, breath hot and close to Rei's mouth, and rolls onto his right side, so this time they're lying chest-to-chest. 

"What do you want to do?" Nagisa asks. His hands drift to Rei's chest and then he kisses him, but lightly, without much heat. Rei recognizes that Nagisa's trying not to pressure him into anything, and he's touched by it, but he doesn't feel like he needs the reassurance anymore; rather, he feels eager now, exploratory.

Rei closes his eyes and breathes. "Can we just—" he stumbles a little, embarrassed, but he knows he has to actually communicate this time so he doesn't get derailed. "—Can we just use hands?"

"Yes," Nagisa says, exhaling again, but this time it sounds a little shaky. They move in for a kiss at the same time, not light at all now, mouths open and wet, and Nagisa hooks a leg around Rei's thigh that forces them closer. When their hips meet, Rei can instantly tell Nagisa is hard, too, and they both gasp.

"Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?" Nagisa has dropped a hand and it's inching lower, hovering at Rei's waist to trace the line of his boxers, maybe to tease him, or maybe as a way of asking permission.

"Don't stop." Rei grips Nagisa's shoulder and they kiss again. He can't open his eyes, but this time it's not because he's scared; he just wants to feel everything without distraction, and it's working, because when Nagisa's hand slips all the way under his waistband and brushes across his dick for the first time, he's aware of absolutely nothing else. 

Nagisa is surprisingly hesitant, slow to actually wrap his fingers all the way around, and Rei finds himself fighting not to thrust into his fist when he finally does.

" _Oh_ ," Rei breathes out, clutching Nagisa's shoulder tighter.

"You have to tell me what you like," Nagisa says. He's exploring a little with his thumb but not moving his hand much, and it's frustrating. Then his thumb drags across the head, and Rei does thrust, completely instinctively.

"That," Rei says, shuddering. "And—faster."

It takes a little while. Nagisa isn't a natural, which Rei would pause to be amazed by if he were capable of doing anything but gasping and shaking right now, but then, incrementally, he improves. Nagisa's grip tightens and his clumsiness fades, fingers growing more deft, until Rei is a tangled-up mess of panting, helpless, weak-limbed arousal, and Nagisa kisses his neck and pets his hair with his free hand until he comes, so forceful he sees spots behind his closed eyelids.

Nagisa keeps petting Rei's hair but takes his hand out of Rei's boxers, not bothering to do much about the mess other than slide his sticky hand over Rei's stomach. If he weren't already shuddering, Rei probably would again. 

"Was it okay?" Nagisa kisses him on the lips once, then again, and when Rei finally manages to open his eyes he finds Nagisa looks genuinely concerned.

"Very okay," he says, still breathless, still weak. And it was okay—more than okay—but not, Rei reflects, perfect. Something about this realization gives him renewed courage.

Nagisa glows like he's just won a race and kisses Rei again, more fiercely now. Rei kisses back and hugs him close, ignoring that Nagisa's hand is still sticky when it travels up to his jaw, maybe even liking it a little.

"Rei-chan," Nagisa says, with an entirely different tone than before—now he's asking for something other than permission, Rei understands, and he likes that; he could get used to it. Rei sucks in a deep breath and rolls them both over, so Nagisa's flat on his back and Rei is leaning over him, at least steady enough to support his own weight now. 

He doesn't immediately do anything, a little self-conscious, wondering what Nagisa would like best. Nagisa grabs onto Rei's forearms and whines, lifting his hips a little so he rubs against Rei, and the neediness of it spurs him into action.

"Sorry," he murmurs, carefully slipping a hand into Nagisa's pajama pants, grateful it's dark enough to obscure his face, which he's sure must be as red as it's ever been. But Nagisa's eyes snap closed anyway, and he arches into Rei's touch, letting out a not-particularly-quiet _"Ah"_ when Rei finally wraps a hand around him. He strokes with his thumb and fingers, experimentally, and Nagisa whines again.

It's difficult at this angle to figure out how to move, Rei thinks, remembering Nagisa's initial clumsiness with renewed understanding. He tightens his grip and tries to find a steady rhythm. 

"Is that—okay?" Rei asks.

Nagisa is certainly making sounds like it's okay, and his fingers are digging into Rei's biceps in a way that's encouraging, but what he says is _"Faster,"_ so Rei tries to obey. He leans in closer and tries, but it still doesn't feel quite right, he can't get the hang of it. He's about to get anxious again when he has an idea.

"Nagisa," he says, removing his hand, which elicits an impatient groan. "Roll onto your left side."

Surprisingly, Nagisa doesn't question him at all. He wordlessly does as he's told, shifting sideways to give Rei more space to slide in close behind him, chest pressed to Nagisa's back. This time, when his hand finds Nagisa's cock, the angle is much more natural, and it's no problem at all to move faster.

"Ah!" Nagisa reaches back to tangle a hand in Rei's hair, grip tightening so much it's a little painful. Rei kisses his ear, is about to ask if he likes it, but then he thinks he doesn't have to, because the way Nagisa starts grinding his ass into Rei's crotch, writhing against the touch of his hand, doesn't leave much room for interpretation. 

His moans are getting louder, too, and Rei wonders how long it takes the average person to get hard again after coming, because he might be nearly there already. He grinds back because he can't help it, which Nagisa seems to like also, judging by the hitch in his breath, the scrape of his nails against Rei's scalp.

"Don't stop," Nagisa gasps, too loud, as if Rei could even if he wanted to. He tries to mouth wet kisses against Nagisa's neck because he knows Nagisa loves it, but he can scarcely do anything with his mouth other than gasp anymore; he feels as if he barely has control of his actions, his body is moving of its own accord, his arm hurts but he can't stop, his entire lower half is trembling but he has to keep moving. He hooks his thigh over Nagisa's and draws them even closer, and in one final burst of reasoned thought, Rei remembers how good Nagisa's thumb felt on him and he tries it, dragging his own thumb across the head in one firm swipe, and Nagisa is finished. He lets out something between a groan and a shout—way, way too loud—and shudders before going very still in Rei's arms.

Rei buries his face in Nagisa's neck and doesn't move—he doesn't think he can move, truthfully, his hand is even still in Nagisa's pants. Nagisa slowly releases his fistful of Rei's hair and shifts his hips experimentally. He's noticed that Rei is hard again now, he must have, and Rei is about to pull away and apologize, but before he can Nagisa's hand works its way behind and down, between them, to palm Rei through his boxers. Rei jolts, not expecting it, and comes again.

"Oh, God," he chokes out. He thinks he's probably embarrassed, but he's momentarily forgotten how any emotion other than warm, buzzing satisfaction feels.

"Rei." Nagisa guides Rei's hand out of his pants and rolls over so they're facing each other. He lifts both hands to Rei's face and then just rests them there, cradling Rei's jaw, watching him through foggy eyes. Something in Rei's throat constricts and he has to open his mouth to suck in air, lightheaded.

Nagisa looks like he's working himself up to saying something important. He frowns, grazing Rei's cheekbones with his thumb. Then, just as the tension between them is getting so charged it's becoming unbearable, Nagisa closes his eyes and drops his head, forehead pressing to Rei's collarbone. They both exhale unsteadily.

"That was really good," Nagisa mumbles eventually. Rei can tell it's not what he was about to say, but it's okay, because maybe he understood anyway. 

"Yes," Rei agrees. He kisses the top of Nagisa's head, and then Nagisa moves again and they kiss for real, even though they're still out of breath and their lips are too dry. When he can't ignore their mutual dehydration anymore, Rei finally pulls back, letting out a shaky laugh.

"I need water," Nagisa says before Rei has a chance to. Rei laughs again.

"Me too," he says.

"And new pajama pants," Nagisa adds. 

"Me too," Rei says. Now that his head has cleared somewhat, the cooling, damp mess in his boxers is significantly more uncomfortable.

"Be right back." Nagisa kisses him one last time, a quick peck, and then rolls off the bed. 

Rei closes his eyes and listens to the sounds of Nagisa opening his dresser, rifling around for clean pajamas, and then his footsteps as he pads out of the room, the distant sound of the tap running in the kitchen downstairs. He opens his eyes upon Nagisa's return, just in time for a wadded-up pair of pajama pants to hit him in the face.

"There you go," Nagisa says, sipping from a glass of water. 

"Thank you," Rei says, drily. They haven't turned on any lights, but even in the dark he can still make out Nagisa's grin. He smooths out the pajamas, staring down at them as he runs his hand over the fabric, and Nagisa climbs back into bed beside him, holding out the water glass.

"Here," Nagisa says.

"Do you want to get an apartment together?" Rei blurts.

Nagisa freezes, the glass of water hovering between them in his outstretched hand. Rei feels his neck start to heat, then his face, finally his ears. The silence stretches out endlessly, until Rei can clearly hear the ticking of a clock in another bedroom and the pound of blood in his ears.

Then it breaks. Nagisa lunges forward, water sloshing over the edge of his glass, mostly into Rei's lap, and pulls him into a hug. Rei yelps at the cold, but already he's relieved.

"Rei-chan," Nagisa says, voice wavering, obviously trying and failing to fight back tears. He wraps his arms tight around Rei's neck, a headlock more than a hug, and buries his face into Rei's shoulder. He's still holding the glass, miraculously; Rei can feel trails of water dripping off it, rolling down his back.

"Is that a yes?" Rei asks, softly, close to Nagisa's ear. His hands fall to Nagisa's back and he trails his fingers up and down.

Nagisa nods, but otherwise doesn't move.

". . . Nagisa," Rei says, after a beat. "Are you going to stop hugging me at some point?"

Nagisa shakes his head. Rei nearly laughs, but then feels himself softening, the tightness in his throat returning once more. He stops stroking Nagisa's back and hugs him instead, arms wrapped tight around his middle, until they're so close he can feel Nagisa's pulse. He closes his eyes and breathes in deep and doesn't let go.


End file.
